Partnership with Doctor

Today in my support group we spoke how important it is to speak honestly with our doctor especially if we're skipping our medicine. The doctor is on "our team," but needs the right sports equipment. His equipment is the info we give him regarding compliance and side effects.

Volunteer Work

I've been doing a little bit of volunteer work to get me out of the house and to focus my mind on something constructive. Now, I've been invited to a thank-you banquet for one organization. Yipee!

Zoloft is Working

I am happy to say that Zoloft is doing what it is suppose to, and I am able to easily push away obsessive negative thoughts. All that weight I gained from taking Abilify is gone.

Water Exercise

I found another wonderful thing to do for my mind and body: exercising in the water. My local park district has water exercises classes, and they are so much fun. Splish, Splash. Plus they play music too. Exercising in the water seems to be a lot easier than exercising out of the water.

Telling You What to Do, Friend

The other evening, one of my friends who has a depressive disorder was crying about her depression and her life. I heard her. I've been there, and sometimes I feel like I still am.

Here are some things I would have liked to tell her had she been in a listening mood:

1) Stop drinking alcohol. You are not suppose to drink it with your medicine, and alcohol is a depressant in the long run.

2) Get some hobbies. Drinking is not a hobby.  Explore some activities at the park district, or take a continuing ed class.

3) Take a parenting class of some sort. Your ten-year old is ramping up for life of juvenile deliquency. Learn how to discipline and set limits before it's too late. Also learn something about children in this age group, and what they need.

4) Learn some assertiveness skills for the adults who live in your house and don't respect you.

Yoga

Last night I went to my second yoga class. I felt great leaving, and today my body is SO relaxed. I feel so good.

149 pounds

That's how much I weight now.

More importantly I had a great weekend spent with friends going out with them for ice cream, for mini golf, for meals. I wish every Saturday was just as fun and friend filled.

Looking for Trouble

Today's post is from Meditations for People Who Worry by Anne Wilson Schaef.

"Whenever  we look for trouble, we are sure to find it. If it has already happened, we can't change it anyway. If it is happening right now, we'd better just get busy and deal with it and not take the luxury of worrying about it. And, if it may happen in the future, we might as well relax, deal with today, and see what happens. This can certainly keep us occupied enough without having to borrow trouble and having to pay interest on it it."

Lost Two pounds

I'm down to 150 pounds. I feel skinnier already. Ha.

My mind is calming down too.

Adios Abilify, Hello Zoloft

My doctor cut out the Abilify. He switched me over to Zoloft to stop the weight gain. Also the Zoloft is to stop all the negative obsessive thinking in my mind.

I felt better having the script for Zoloft in my hand. I feel better having taken just one. The power of suggestion is really strong.

Weight Gain Way to Go

Yesterday I hit a high of 152 pounds. I am turning down food, so I feel like I have mastery over the darn activity. I wonder if Abilify effects the way one's body uses or stores energy besides increasing appetite. I'm no doctor or pharmacist, but I'll be seeing my doctor tomorrow.

The drug should be called Appetitify. The damn thing. Plus my anxiety is INCREASING. I've had to take 1/2 Xanax every few days.

Today I told myself that I'm practicing distorted thinking. The Xanax makes me sleepy. What kind of life am I leading?

Yesterday I went to my first real yoga class and enjoy it. It's the first time I heard an exercise teacher tell you not to be in pain. Don't do it if it hurts. Modify as needed.

iPod

I'm still on Abilify. I continue to exercise, mostly be going for walks. I have a brand new ipod, and walks are a lot more enjoyable now that I have musical company. Also, I have a handle on my eating. I think. I hit the high weight (for me) of 148 pounds. Like gas prices, the weight goes up quickly and comes back down slowly.

I'll keep weighing myself every few days and post my progress. So far I'm still squeezing into my clothes, but I would rather not squeeze.

Friend or Enemy?

I'm gaining weight while on this Abilify. After getting on the scale this morning, I cried. I also have A LOT more energy that makes me want to exercise. Sometimes I do a set of 10 jumping jacks just for the fun of it, and I pretty much hate exercising. Do I stay on this Abilify or do I ditch it and place a call to my psychiatrist?

Visualization is an Ice Cream Cone

I did a visualization exercise with Dr. Miller on Thursday. She did the talking, and I did the imagining with my eyes closed. It was like giving an ice cream cone to my hot, tired brain. I recommend this technique. She was very realistic and didn't leave out the steps involving the hard crucial work. But my hands are usually sticky from the melting ice cream when I do eat a real ice cream cone, so I'd expect visualization to involve some stickiness too.

Harriet Beecher Stowe Quote

Here's a quote from Harriet Beecher Stowe: "When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn."

I found this quote on a box of tea.

My Beautiful Broken Shell

My Beautiful Broken Shell: Words of Hope to Refresh the Soul by Carol Hamblet Adams. I bought this book this past week as a gift to myself. It's for those of us who need to know we are lovable despite our
imperfections (that we all have for because we're human). Even if our souls feel broken or damaged, we are still beautiful and grateful for us. The illustrations are just as refreshing as the text.

I bought this book at a Christian book store.

On the Edge of Darkness

On the Edge of Darkness: Conversations about Conquering Depression by Kathy Cronkite. My very first psychiatrist on my very first office visit assigned this book for reading . He was a psychiatrist who was really into educating his patient. I am grateful he told me about this book. Famous people tell their stories about depression and bipolar disease. Doctors are contributors too as are family members.

Verbally Abusive Relationship

The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. My copy is copyrighted in 1992. It's geared to those in romantic relationships, but I just mentally crossed out words referring to spouse or partner
and replaced it with parent or boss. I wondered if the author was spying on my family of origin.

One up, one down, one gone

My Abilify has been doubled. My Cymbalta decreased. My Wellbutrin is gone. That's on doctor's orders of course. I'm glad the tingling is mostly gone. Going through drug transistion is not easy, but I know it is only temporary. Someday I'll be stable.

Abilify is Buzzing

Last week I went out every evening after work. That's new for me. I even signed up for dance lessons. The side effect is that my nerves are buzzing and I'm shaking, shaking, shaking. On Thursday I saw Dr. Kuo my psychiatrist. He lowered the dosage of my Wellbutrin XL and my Cymbalta. Thank goodness. I will see him once more this month.

I wondered if I could cut my 300 mg of Wellbutrin XL in half since I am now on 150 mg. I called the pharmacists, and she said no. The formula of the XL would be negated and I would experience side effects if I cut it in half. I am so glad I called the pharmacist. I went ahead and had my script filled 150 mg. Call your doctor or pharmacist is you're thinking of messing around with medicine.