Target Off My Back

This month I have felt like there is a target on my back. I have been in two different car accidents; neither was my fault. My neck and back ache. I'm dealing with three different insurance companies, one repair shop, one rental car agency, and one doctor.

The second crasher and her friends verbally assaulted me and laughed at my injuries. I yelled back at her and her posse and then burst into tears. Since this scene took place at night in the cold, I felt extra woe some and extra lonely.

The crappy news is that I was alone and lonely. The good news is that I was alone and am still managing to take care of myself by going to the doctor, handling the insurance information, and keeping track of the documentation. I was beginning to wonder if I even need other people (friends, partners, family). Sometimes I feel like saying, "To hell with you all."

I am in the trough of depression - blah.

Tomorrow I have two activities planned: one with a group of friends and another with a therapeutic drummer and certified aromatherapist. I'll be in a drumming circle with nice smelling oils in the room.

I am hoping that by doing these activities tomorrow, a wave will lift me out of the trough and onto it's crest where I WILL STAY.

A Disappointing Day

Here's a journal entry from a month ago or so:

1) I cried that my friend died.

2) I took myself for a walk to remind myself that I am important.

3) I am disappointed because another friend let me down again and canceled out. She said I could go over there tomorrow at four.

4) I rec’d a postcard today that says all human relationships are incomplete, and to go to God instead. This postcard helped me readjust my expectations.  You should know that several days ago I mailed that very postcard to myself. When it arrived in the mail today, I forgot that I sent it. It was a little nice surprise.